If you follow my blog regularly you'll know that I freelance as a marketing professional, yep, that's right, I'm a pro (in the non red light sense of course) working mainly from home.
I agreed on a job back in November that would whisk me away to Barcelona for 6 days in April, glamorous? Not really, I'll be inside a convention centre for the most part.
At the time, I pondered the impact leaving Belle would have and concluded it would be minimal, we needed the money. Besides, April was ages away, Belle would be nearly 10 months old and by then, I could probably do with the break.
Well, April has arrived, I fly on Sunday.
To say I'm apprehensive about the separation is an understatement. My stomach does actual flips, like a dolphin at Sea World, when I think about leaving her.
I had imagined that she'd be able to say mummy by now. She said it for the first time on Sunday but we think it was a fluke. I had imagined seeing her on Skype and her waving 'mummy mummy' in a missing me kind of way, but knowing what I know now, she'll probably have no interest and just try and chew the laptop.
I'm scared. For many reasons and it's making me very confused.
I'm scared that she won't miss me. That the moment we are reunited she won't be phased by it.
I'm worried that her routine will get messed up and I'm fretting that'll I'll miss something. She is so close to crawling right now.
James has the whole week off with her so I'm sure all of the above will be in order and if I do miss something there will be photographic evidence.
On the flip side I'm also concerned that I'll enjoy it. The moment on the plane when I sit there, uninterrupted, listening to music and reading Heat magazine really appeals to me. Will I feel guilty if I do enjoy it? What if it makes me want to go back to full time work?
Mainly, I'm worried that they will do fine without me.
Choosing to work, stay at home or work from home once you've had a child is the most heart wrenching decision, whatever your situation.
I'm trying so hard to find a balance by freelancing and think this will be my ultimate test.
I agreed on a job back in November that would whisk me away to Barcelona for 6 days in April, glamorous? Not really, I'll be inside a convention centre for the most part.
At the time, I pondered the impact leaving Belle would have and concluded it would be minimal, we needed the money. Besides, April was ages away, Belle would be nearly 10 months old and by then, I could probably do with the break.
Well, April has arrived, I fly on Sunday.
To say I'm apprehensive about the separation is an understatement. My stomach does actual flips, like a dolphin at Sea World, when I think about leaving her.
I had imagined that she'd be able to say mummy by now. She said it for the first time on Sunday but we think it was a fluke. I had imagined seeing her on Skype and her waving 'mummy mummy' in a missing me kind of way, but knowing what I know now, she'll probably have no interest and just try and chew the laptop.
I'm scared. For many reasons and it's making me very confused.
I'm scared that she won't miss me. That the moment we are reunited she won't be phased by it.
I'm worried that her routine will get messed up and I'm fretting that'll I'll miss something. She is so close to crawling right now.
James has the whole week off with her so I'm sure all of the above will be in order and if I do miss something there will be photographic evidence.
On the flip side I'm also concerned that I'll enjoy it. The moment on the plane when I sit there, uninterrupted, listening to music and reading Heat magazine really appeals to me. Will I feel guilty if I do enjoy it? What if it makes me want to go back to full time work?
Mainly, I'm worried that they will do fine without me.
Choosing to work, stay at home or work from home once you've had a child is the most heart wrenching decision, whatever your situation.
I'm trying so hard to find a balance by freelancing and think this will be my ultimate test.
I hope it all goes well for you- I am leaving my little one for just one night at the start of May to go on a hen do and I am nervous about it already, she is currently 14 weeks old and still feels too small to leave!
ReplyDeletex
P.S I am a new follower!
I know it's almost pointless to say this but try not to worry. It's OK for her to manage without you, just a little bit, and not mind too much. Independence is good. And it's OK for you to enjoy yourself away from her. You had a life and interests before her and that didn't just disappear and nor should it. And it's OK to worry about testing all of that. We all do. But it will be fine, I've done it twice now, and it works out. Talk to other mums who've done it, and they will tell you the same. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteHope it goes well. I still remember the first time I left my daughter - she's 13 now.
ReplyDeleteShe was fine, I was fine, but I did worry!
Enjoy it if you can :)
It does hurt but I'm sure it will be fine. I would take time to 'smell the coffee' and drink it in peace and quiet while it's still warm for a change ;)
ReplyDeleteEvery evening I pick my mini one up from nursery is fantatic. She runs up for a a big hug with a huge smile and I'm sure that the absence makes us appreciate each other more.
Hope you have a wonderful trip.
I have also listed you for a Kreative Blogger award http://positivecomplaining.blogspot.com/2011/04/getting-personal.html
There are some rules though. Sorry :)
MellyBentley
x
I know it's easy to say but try not to worry to much hun as you know she will be fine and happy :) I have not plucked up the courage yet to part from my daughter whose 15 months, but circumstances like yours then I would part.
ReplyDeleteYou will enjoy the break away aswel even tho she will be on your mind. Longer lie in maybe :P
Hope a good time
Gillx
Scary but make the most of it. Don't spend the whole time fretting and feeling guilty :-)
ReplyDeleteJust popped over to let you know there is an award waiting for you over at my page http://wouldliketobeayummymummy.blogspot.com x
First time will always be the hardest, my son is 11 and I work abroad regularly. My mum has him whilst I'm away and as much as there are there moments when you fret about everything, those fears and concerns are usually unfounded and never come to fruition.
ReplyDeleteI hope you enjoyed the week and I'm sure you enjoyed coming home just as much. Found you on BMB.