She asked me what my advice would be about knowing the sex of the baby, a decision she needed to make before her next scan.
I felt proud, I could finally impart wisdom and experience on a friend who, older than myself, I had always looked up to as a big sister. She had always guided, advised (and mainly teased) me growing up, but now, I could help her.
I hadn't wanted to find out if we were having a pink or blue bundle at first, or a burger or sausage as I've heard some refer to it as (yuck). I had always imagined the moment would be a surprise. James, on the other hand, couldn't wait to find out, to give our little bean an identity before even meeting them.
So, one of the happiest moments of my life happened at my 18 week scan, still in Australia, we found out, we were having a daughter. I was over the moon. Don't get me wrong, I would have been happy either way, as long as baby was healthy, but wow, a little girl, I was so excited.
I told my friend how we found that discovering the sex allowed us to bond with Belle even more. We named her, bought girls clothes for her, decorated her nursery (pink rosebuds, very girlie). It also helped James feel more connected with her, he could see her as a little girl not just a 'bean'. I've always thought that women become mothers from the moment they know they are pregnant, it's nature, where as it must be so much harder for men to feel that bond, we found that knowing her sex really helped.
So that was my advice (the first bit of 'grown up' advice I had ever imparted) but what would you have said? Did you find out you were having a boy or a girl? Are you glad you found out or did you regret it? I'd love to know...
I found out for all three of my children. I'm a planner and I couldn't wait 9 months to find out! Straight after my 20 week scan with my first we went shopping for lots of girly things.
ReplyDeleteWith my second I knew I was having a boy but still wanted it confirmed.
With my 3rd I was adamant that it was a girl. Wrong!!
I don't regret finding out at all. I was able to bond more, like you said, and it helped the older children prepare for a sibling.
We found out and just as you say, it's helped us to bond quite a lot more with the baby, knowing that she's a girl. Although we don't really go in for the pink is for girls, blue is for boys, it's just humanized her a bit more in our imaginations. That said, I think we'll be slightly weirded out if it turns out that she's actually a boy!
ReplyDeleteI would have said to her, do what she feels is right.
ReplyDeleteSo many people have questionned and muttered at the fact we decided to find out what sex our baby is and i'm sick of hearing "oh you should have left it as a surprise" I have constantly justified why we have chosen to find out the sex all the way through my pregnancy, yet as you say, i feel we have bonded with the baby before he arrives and i feel that my O.H has been more involved than he would have been otherwise.
I think, each to their own. I would never guffaw at someone wanting to know or someone wanting a surprise. It's nobody's business but the parents. :) x
I found this was a tricky topic when I was pregnant, I did have a lot of people disappointed I found out. We are all different and strange as it may be I don't like surprises and am not a big fan of birthday surprises etc in case I don't like it! Of course that doesn't apply to a baby but we wanted to be prepared and if I am honest I didn't want to secretly 'hope' I had a boy or a girl. For me I always wanted a girl first but when I got pregnant I was having dreams I was having a boy and I just wanted it confirmed, when I found out he was a boy it was lovely to know and if for any reason he had come out a girl I would felt strange (I had a 4D scan so there was no doubt at all, it was clear to see!). I think the problems arise when you don't agree with your partner then you have to compromise...Sorry for the essay :-) xx
ReplyDeleteI found out with Wilbur. Partly because I'm impatient & partly because I hate beige & wanted to buy blue or pink! I was glad we found out & will be doing the same with number 2! x
ReplyDeleteI didn't find out for my first 2, both of which were boys but couldn't not find out for my 3rd! Mostly this was for my mum - the baby was going to be her last grandchild and the first 6 were boys!!
ReplyDeleteMy plan was to tell her if it was a boy and not tell her if it was a girl but I couldn't keep it to myself!
The only problem with finding out is that it's not 100% so we always kept in mind that the baby could be a boy and I hardly bought anything. She was, however, a girl.
I'm glad with all the decisions I made. It was right for us but it is so different for everyone, as the other comments testify to.
My friend has just become a grandad for the first time to a lovely little boy. This was a huge surprise - his son and daughter-in-law were told it was a girl at their 20 week scan! A nursery is now hastily being re-painted and shopping trips are underway. They are all actually delighted at their surprise!
ReplyDeleteI didn't find out. Got sick of people asking. In response to the stupid question what do you want (answer is only healthy) I'd either say zebra or girl as clothes are better. Just to amuse myself mostly. I wanted a surprise and another reason to push! Also, despite what I said about girls clothes. Not knowing was an excuse to go neutral. Love babies in plain White babygros. Just a thing Ive got!
ReplyDeleteI didn't find out with either of mine. For me the surprise was the thing that helped me through a completely natural birth, not even a paracetamol! I Couldn't wait to find out. Also I felt that not knowing would mean that my husband was the first to find out the sex and to then be able to tell me, made him feel like he had a part to play!
ReplyDeleteI've done it both ways! With our first, I really didn't want to find out but my OH did - I won and got my surprise! So with my second baby I didn't want to know again but to be fair to my OH this time, we planned to find out but at the scan she had her legs crossed so we got another surprise! Third time around, we did find out because I thought it might help my other two get excited about the new arrival. Then the fourth time around we found out for practical reasons because we wanted to sort out bedrooms and other boring things like that!
ReplyDeleteHaving done it both ways, I think there are plus points to both but personally? I loved the surprise of NOT finding out!
We found out as soon as we could. I am not the type of person who could have lasted 9 months without knowing every bit of information that was already known. My feeling is that there are so many things that are unkown so why not find out what you can. I am a planner as well and wanted everything to be personal, not generic and yellow.
ReplyDeleteIt depends on the person, I think though. I know people who were perfectly content not knowing and it didn't change anything in the end.