Thursday, 24 March 2011

Yes... real tears!

I promise I won't do this a lot, I'm normally a very positive person but... I need a moan!

As you know, the sun has been shining gloriously this week, so yesterday I grabbed some bread, a friend, two babies and headed for the riverside. A perfect sunny day combo.

After a brief encounter with one very large, hungry, swan (there's always one) we ran for our lives we headed over to the park.

The little ones in question are only 7 and 9 months old so the height of parklife for them is the swings, held tightly by both mummy's.

They were loving it, Belle so much so that she was making very strange, loud, noises as the swing went back and forth, not embarrassingly so, but attention grabbing from other mums none the less. I could feel the stares.

As it was such a stunning day the park was busy, so, not wanting to hog the swings, we went to move on. Belle had other ideas, and as we moved away she throw the biggest tantrum.

She's a baby, it was her nap time, I don't really think it was about the swings, nether the less, she had a melt down.

As we gathered our things (me quite frantically) and started to leave the park I heard one mum say to another... 'oh dear, real tears and everything!'

Real tears? Yes, she's crying, what does your child cry? Fairy drops? Sunbeams? Rainbows? Well... mine cries tears! Real ones!

I was so upset. As mums we should be able to relate and support each other right? Not judge, stare and whisper in a park. I'm probably being over sensitive but this lady really got to me. I know Belle is quite a noisy baby but she's happy, beautiful and loved.

I've discussed Belles crying in older posts (we made in to the parachute) and talked about how she's getting better. But yesterday really took me back to those early weeks where I didn't leave the house as I was scared of people judging this clueless new mummy with the crying baby.

Right... Sod you judgey lady... I'm getting a grip now. Rant over! :)


  1. I used to find public outings with a screaming child difficult and I am by nature always aware of people around me and what they might think. However the older my son has got the less I care, I now just tend to ignore those looks people give. Remember it happens to us all at some point and the Mum's that comment are just mean and the type to compare their children with others, like some competition. You have a very expressive child so don't worry about those judgmental ones :-)

  2. Don't. Pay. ANY. Attention.

    All babies cry. All babies can be unbelievably loud. You are doing a FAB job. All that happened today was that your wee one was tired and so cried. It's no big deal, WHO CARES if they are noisy now and again. They're kids, it's what they do. Let others freak out if they want to, you just keep doing what you're doing.

    And I hope your stats hit record today!

  3. Bugger them. The one thing I feel strongly about is that women should support other women and not judge. I wrote this a while ago after a load of grief about working.

    So this woman's child doesn't cry or throw attantrum then? The answer is possibly 'Not yet'. She is about to get a lovely suprise.

    My Mini one had her first proper tantrum in Boots last weekend. Face down on the floor going purple. Lots of people looked and I did not care. I saw one start to approach so I gave her a look that could have turned her to stone. She backed off.

    I am annoyed for you!

  4. I'm afraid I'm guilty about using the phrase 'real tears' with my own children i.e when they are really upset and not throwing one of their tantrums when they haven't got their own way. I'm terrible for being paranoid about other women judging me. Sometimes I think it's justified, sometimes not. Occasionally I think some mums who we think are judging us are actually thinking 'I know exactly how you feel'. Or maybe I'm just putting a positive spin on a bad experience. My 3 year old bit my 1 year old at the checkout in the supermarket. First time he had ever done it. Instead of judging me the woman behind me hugged me and gave me words of support. How shocked was I?!
    Anyhow they cry, they tantrum, they test us to the limit. It's normal. Forget about the woman, plenty of us know exactly how you feel xx

  5. Our first ever trip to the swings was only a few days ago:
    and my hubby really noticed how Mums were looking each other up and down. It's quite shocking.

  6. was the lady who said it Northern? Because I am and it's not a judgey thing - it's a sympathy thing! "Oh dear, real tears!" is something I grew up hearing, and now say, as a supportive "I feel your pain, I've been there too" phrase from another Mum - there's nothing you can do but you can sympathise!

    I hope it was that, and if not I hope that she stood in dog muck on her way home and walked it into her Laura Ashley carpets.

  7. I interpret that empathetically not judgementally - real mums know there are real tears and cries with no tears, which are mostly fits of frustration & temper. That said I write it as a mum of two, my eldest is nearly 4yo and I can imagine I'd be feeling very like you 4 years ago. I am passed caring what others think now I parent my kids my way and it's no one elses business, I'm not the best or the worst but I'm good enough ;-)

  8. The fact that she said 'Oh dear, real tears' makes me think she was being stpathetic not judgemental. It sounds like you've had problems in the past and that Belle crying is something your sensitive to. I totally get that. My son has always struggled with sleep and I am totally sensitive to anyone talking about it, even if they are being well meaning.
    Try not to let it get to you.